Why we second-guess ourselves, seek reassurance, and how to start believing in our own judgement again.
November 2nd 2026 • By Rebecca McGarry
Imagine this.
You've been offered an exciting opportunity. Maybe it's a new job, a chance to travel somewhere you've always dreamed of, or simply an invitation to try something completely different.
Something inside you lights up.
For a moment, you feel that little spark of excitement. That quiet sense of yes, I'd love to do that.
But then your mind gets involved.
What if it's the wrong decision? What if I regret it? What if I'm not good enough? What will everyone else think?
Before you know it, you've asked three friends for their opinions, Googled every possible outcome, and mentally rehearsed all the things that could go wrong.
And somehow, the more information you gather, the less certain you feel.
Sound familiar?
It's fascinating, isn't it? We can be perfectly capable, intelligent, experienced women who have navigated all sorts of challenges in life, yet still struggle to trust ourselves with the next decision.
So why does that happen?
And perhaps more importantly…
How do we begin trusting ourselves again?
Somewhere Along the Way, We Stopped Listening to Ourselves
Think back to when you were a child.
You probably didn't spend much time wondering whether you were allowed to enjoy something.
You liked what you liked. You were curious about what interested you. You followed your imagination, asked endless questions, and expressed your preferences without necessarily needing a logical explanation.
Of course, childhood wasn't always that simple. But many of us began life with a natural curiosity about ourselves and the world around us.
Then, gradually, we started learning the rules.
Be sensible. Don't make a fuss. Think about other people. Don't take unnecessary risks. Make the right choices.
And while some of those lessons helped us navigate life, others may have taught us something less helpful:
That other people might know what's best for us better than we do.
Perhaps you grew up in an environment where your opinions weren't always encouraged. Maybe you were praised for being agreeable, responsible or easygoing.
Or perhaps you've experienced relationships, workplaces or situations where trusting your own judgement didn't seem to work out.
Over time, it's possible to become so accustomed to checking what everyone else thinks that you barely notice you're doing it.
You start looking outside yourself for answers to questions that only you can truly answer.
Am I happy? Is this right for me? What do I want?
And the more you rely on external reassurance, the harder it can become to hear your own voice.
But here's something worth remembering.
Just because you've stopped listening to yourself doesn't mean your inner voice has disappeared.
It may simply need a little more space to be heard.
Why Our Brains Love Certainty (Even When Life Can't Offer It)
There's a reason making decisions can feel so uncomfortable.
Our brains are constantly trying to predict what happens next.
From an evolutionary perspective, being able to anticipate danger and avoid unnecessary risks has helped humans survive.
And even though most of our modern decisions aren't matters of life and death, uncertainty can still feel unsettling.
Psychologists sometimes describe this as intolerance of uncertainty — the difficulty we can experience when we don't know how something will turn out.
For some people, uncertainty triggers worry, overthinking and a strong desire for reassurance.
We convince ourselves that if we just gather enough information, consider every possibility or ask one more person, we'll finally feel confident enough to decide.
But there's a catch.
Reassurance can make us feel better in the moment without necessarily helping us become more confident in ourselves.
Think about it.
Every time you ask someone else to make a decision for you, you might feel a temporary sense of relief.
But you also miss an opportunity to discover something important:
That you are capable of making decisions, navigating uncertainty and dealing with whatever happens next.
And that's where self-trust begins to grow.
Not through having all the answers.
But through discovering that you can handle life even when you don't.
Self-Trust Isn't About Always Getting It Right
I think this is one of the biggest misunderstandings about self-trust.
We imagine that people who trust themselves are somehow more certain than everyone else.
That they instinctively know which direction to take, rarely doubt their decisions and always seem to make the right choices.
But that's not really what self-trust is.
Self-trust isn't believing you'll never make a mistake.
It's believing that even if you make a mistake, you can learn, adapt and find your way forward.
Imagine two people standing at a crossroads.
Both are considering a significant life change.
The first thinks:
I can't make this decision until I know it's going to work out.
The second thinks:
I don't know exactly how this will turn out, but I trust myself to figure things out along the way.
Neither person knows the future.
Neither has a guarantee.
The difference is their relationship with uncertainty.
One believes they need certainty before they can act.
The other believes they can act without certainty because they have confidence in their ability to respond.
And that's an incredibly liberating shift.
Because if you wait until you're completely certain about every decision, you could spend a very long time standing still.
Life doesn't come with a guarantee.
But it does give us opportunities to grow.
What If You've Been Trusting Yourself More Than You Realise?
Here's a little exercise I'd love you to try.
Think about a difficult period in your life.
Maybe a relationship ended, a job didn't work out, you moved somewhere new, experienced a loss, or faced something you never imagined you'd have to navigate.
At the time, perhaps you felt completely overwhelmed.
You might have doubted yourself, felt frightened, or wondered how on earth you were going to get through it.
But somehow, you found a way forward.
Maybe it wasn't graceful. Maybe it wasn't quick. Perhaps you needed support from people around you.
But you adapted.
You made decisions.
You learned things about yourself.
And here you are.
We often overlook these experiences because we're so focused on the things we haven't achieved, the mistakes we've made or the decisions we wish we'd handled differently.
But what if you started looking at your past through a different lens?
Instead of asking, Where did I go wrong?
Try asking:
What have I already navigated that proves I'm more capable than I sometimes believe?
You may discover that you've been building evidence of your own resilience for years.
You just haven't been giving yourself credit for it.
The Small Promises That Change Everything
There's another side to self-trust that we don't always talk about.
The relationship we have with ourselves.
Think about the people you trust most in your life.
Chances are, they're people who are reasonably consistent. They do what they say they'll do. They listen to you. They respect your feelings. And when something goes wrong, they're willing to acknowledge it.
Now here's an interesting question.
Do you treat yourself like someone you're trying to build a trusting relationship with?
Perhaps you regularly promise yourself you'll take a proper lunch break, get outside for a walk, make time for something you enjoy or finally start that project you've been thinking about.
But then life gets busy.
Other people's needs take priority.
And your own promises quietly slip to the bottom of the list.
Of course, we can't always follow through on everything. Life happens, priorities change, and sometimes rest is exactly what we need.
But when we repeatedly ignore what matters to us, it can become harder to believe that our own needs and intentions deserve attention.
This is why rebuilding self-trust doesn't necessarily begin with a dramatic life decision.
Sometimes it begins with something wonderfully ordinary.
You decide to go for a ten-minute walk, and you go.
You notice you're exhausted, and you allow yourself to rest.
You say no to something that doesn't feel right.
You make time for something that brings you joy, even when there's a long list of things you should be doing.
Each of these moments offers a small opportunity to reinforce a different message:
My needs matter. My choices matter. I can listen to myself and respond.
And slowly, those little moments begin to add up.
Five Gentle Ways to Start Trusting Yourself Again
You don't need to transform your personality or suddenly become someone who makes every decision with complete confidence.
In fact, I'd encourage you to start much smaller.
Here are five simple practices you can begin exploring.
1. Notice when you're looking for permission
The next time you find yourself asking someone else what they think, pause for a moment.
Before hearing their opinion, ask yourself:
What do I actually think?
You can still seek advice. Other people's perspectives can be incredibly valuable, especially when decisions involve expertise, safety or significant consequences.
The difference is remembering that advice can inform your decision without automatically replacing your own judgement.
2. Practise making small decisions without overthinking
Start with choices that don't carry much risk.
What would you genuinely like to do this weekend?
Which restaurant appeals to you?
How would you like to spend your free afternoon?
Notice whether you immediately look for reassurance.
Then experiment with making the choice yourself.
You don't need to get it perfect.
You're simply practising trusting your preferences.
3. Get curious about your inner dialogue
Pay attention to what you tell yourself when you're faced with a decision.
Do you hear thoughts like:
I'll probably get it wrong.
I'm terrible at making decisions.
Other people know better than me.
Rather than automatically accepting those thoughts as facts, try getting curious.
Is that really true? What evidence do I have? Could there be another way of looking at this?
You don't have to force yourself into positive thinking.
Sometimes simply questioning an old assumption is enough to create a little breathing room.
4. Keep a record of the times you've figured things out
At the end of each day, think of one moment when you trusted yourself.
It doesn't need to be anything extraordinary.
Perhaps you expressed an opinion, made a decision, honoured a boundary or handled an unexpected challenge.
Write it down.
Over time, you'll begin collecting evidence of your own capability.
And when self-doubt appears, you'll have something real to remind yourself of.
5. Allow yourself to change your mind
This might sound surprising, but trusting yourself also means giving yourself permission to reconsider.
You can make a thoughtful decision and later discover that something isn't right for you.
You can change direction.
You can learn something new.
You can decide that what mattered to you five years ago no longer reflects who you are today.
That's not necessarily a failure of judgement.
Sometimes it's a sign that you're paying attention.
Self-trust isn't about stubbornly sticking to every decision. It's about staying connected to yourself as you grow.
What Would You Do If You Trusted Yourself a Little More?
I'd love you to sit with that question for a moment.
Not if you were fearless.
Not if you had unlimited money, endless time or a guarantee that everything would work out.
Just if you trusted yourself a little more.
Would you finally have that conversation you've been avoiding?
Would you explore a new career, start a creative project or book that trip you've been dreaming about?
Would you stop saying yes when you really mean no?
Would you give yourself permission to want something different?
Or perhaps you'd simply stop questioning every little decision and allow yourself to enjoy life a bit more.
There's no right answer.
But sometimes the things we imagine doing when we trust ourselves reveal something important about the life we're longing to create.
And perhaps that's where the next chapter begins.
Not with a dramatic leap.
But with one small decision that feels true to you.
Coming Back to Yourself, One Decision at a Time
If there's one thing I'd love you to take away from this blog, it's this:
You don't have to know exactly where you're going to trust yourself to take the next step.
You don't need to become a completely different person.
You don't need to eliminate every doubt, fear or uncertainty.
And you certainly don't need to have your entire life figured out.
Self-trust is something we can practise.
Every time we listen to ourselves, honour something that matters to us, make a thoughtful decision or discover that we can navigate an unexpected outcome, we give that trust another opportunity to grow.
And perhaps the beautiful thing about coming back to yourself is realising that you don't have to search for someone new.
You can begin by reconnecting with the person who's been there all along.
The one who's already lived, learned, loved, struggled, adapted and grown.
The one who might know a little more than you've been giving her credit for.
Maybe it's time to start listening to her again.
A Little Space for Reflection
Before you move on with your day, take a few quiet moments to consider:
Where in my life am I seeking reassurance when I already have a sense of what I want?
What experience from my past reminds me that I'm capable of navigating difficult things?
What's one small decision I could make this week that would help me practise trusting myself?
You don't need to answer them all at once.
Sometimes the most meaningful insights arrive when we give ourselves the space to listen.
You Don't Have to Find Your Way Back to Yourself Alone
Learning to trust yourself again can be a gentle but powerful part of reconnecting with who you are.
And sometimes having someone to support you as you explore old patterns, quieten self-doubt and reconnect with your own needs can make that journey feel a little easier.
If you'd like someone to walk alongside you, I'd love to support you.
You're warmly invited to book a free discovery call. It's simply an opportunity for us to connect, explore where you are now, and see whether working together feels like the right next step.
Or, if you'd prefer to begin at your own pace, you can explore my Reset & Rise programme — a gentle, self-guided journey designed to help you release overwhelm, find greater calm and clarity, and reconnect with yourself through hypnosis, reflection and simple daily practices.
Because coming back to yourself isn't about becoming someone new.
It's about remembering who you are, trusting what matters to you, and giving yourself permission to live a life that feels like your own.
